update on my cycle goals

So, last week I had posted a bunch of goals for myself for this cycle. With AF expected on Monday, I thought I'd take a minute to see just how well I did!

Here were my goals:

· This cycle, I will not overly obsess over my temps on FF. Yeah...I didn't really do this. The whole temp drop for 3 days then jetting back up threw me off though. I did however, look back at some of my other charts that had short luteal phases to see if my temps were indicative of another short LP so I would know about when I'd need to get my Clomid prescription filled.

· I will not search for charts on FF that are similar to mine to see if this cycle could possibly end in a BFP. Not to worry. I didn't. Scouts honor. Although I found it extremely tempting!!

· I promise not to over-analyze every single symptom that may hit me, no matter what it is. I've had so many problems and weird things going on with my body lately, that I wouldn't even know if it would have been a pregnancy symptom (although highly unlikely), or just something else going on.

· No matter what happens with this cycle, I will not get upset or seriously down in the dumps if it doesn't go the way I want it to go. Definitely not planning on doing this because I know that this next cycle, we have a much better shot, depending on when I O.

· Depending on my temps, I will not POAS until I am at least 16 DPO. If I make it this far, I would be shocked. But I promise I'm not going to test tomorrow either, despite being 14 DPO. I'm expecting AF to show her face on Monday-ish.

· At work, I will not use my cycle/pregnancy wheel to figure out what the possible due date would be if in fact DH and I do get a BFP. This was so incredibly tempting, but I promise I resisted the urge to line up the lines and see where the 40 week mark would be if we were to get a BFP.

· I will continue to exercise 3 times a week no matter what. Done! I'm really starting to love going to the gym. I need to find a good routine to do though.

· I will not deprive myself of certain things just because I am in the 2ww. Instead, I will do/eat/drink things in moderation. (not alcohol though, of course. But then again, I'm not a drinker anyways.) I gave into my cravings I must say.

· DH will not be allowed to obsess over this cycle either. (I don't think he knows I even O'd. He obsesses more than most of us on this board!) I just told DH yesterday that I O'd this cycle. I also informed him that I didn't tell him because he obsesses more over the cycle than the ladies on the TTC boards on WebMD! He just simply said that he just wants to know what's going on. Yeah...understandable. But asking me everyday what my temp did that morning, rubbing my belly and asking if there's a baby in there, and being overly precautious about doing things (are you sure you can do this if you're pregnant?) sometimes gets a little tiresome.

· I will go shopping for new clothes during the 2ww (ones that fit me now, not fit me later). Definitely did this one! Old Navy had some amazing Clearance sales!!

· I will try to relax and not stress while the 2ww goes by (well, technically a 9 day wait now). I was never stressed about my cycle for once. I like the "just take it easy" mindset. Helped me to focus on other things in my life.

· If I do find myself getting stressed, I will take a moment to step back and begin to focus on other aspects of our lives (like our huge move in 3 months!) Didn't have to worry about this one too much. I'm more excited about quitting my job in 4 weeks and moving than anything else!! Although I'm sure a BFP would top it all off! haha

· If I crave Cold Stone ice cream, I will give in to my temptations, no matter the temperature outside! Okay, so I so wanted Cold Stone on Tuesday. I didn't get it though. I had running around to do on my lunch hour, and my coworker really wanted Starbucks, so she treated us both to Starbucks. I should have gotten myself Cold Stone instead...

*Whew* That sure took forever to update. But there it is. Overall, not too shabby.

ugh...

Well, I'm back to have crappy days again. Saturday evening, hubby and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings (also known as B-dubbs around here). The meal was delicious, but when we got home, it was a completely different story. I was doubled over due to the extremely painful stomach cramping I had going on. Hubby nearly took me to the hospital because he was worried about me. I told him I just needed to sleep and I'd be fine. Monday morning I called the doc and told them about it all and FINALLY!!! After dealing with this for 4 months, I finally got a referral to see a GI doctor. I'm scheduled to see her in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I can start getting some more definitive explanations for why I keep getting so randomly and violently sick. Oh, and get this, the base referral office called me today to remind me that I had lab work to do for my infertility referral. I told her I know that, but it all depends on my cycle. She said they were waiting on that so they could get it sent to my doc. I informed her that I work in his office and they are aware of it. She seemed fine with that answer. *sigh* military....

As for other news, I officially put in my notice at work last week. February 27th is my last day (thank goodness!!). I couldn't be more excited although I'm sure I will miss some of the patients that I've gotten to know as well as many of my coworkers. The stress and drama of the place will never ever be missed. No crappy expensive uniforms for me to buy and never ever wear again. No taking mandatory PTO so the organization can save money. No worrying about not getting the much deserved merit increase this year (the place is really trying to save money...). No more crabby patients to deal with! No more hormonally challenged non-pregnant women getting pissy with me for something I have no control over!! It's going to be a glorious day!!

On to other aspects of life... I spoke with my OB/GYN doc today (I work in his office). He wrote me a script for more Clomid (100 mg) and gave me some advice which I already knew, but that's okay. He gave me 5 months of refills, even though Hubby and I will only be here for about 2 1/2 more. (I figure if I need to, I'll get the refills filled before we leave so I have some to start off with when we move! haha). In my doctor's words, "Let's get you pregnant before you move!" haha :) I love my doctor. Such a great guy! I'm tempted to start using OPKs this next cycle. I want to see if it would possibly help us along too.

So now I sit and wait. My temps have dropped dramatically and AF should be here soon (although right now I'm only 11 DPO). I'd be happy to have her start on Sunday cuz then we could possibly have a V-Day conception! Wouldn't that be something to tell the families!! lol

What has gotten into me?

Seriously....I've never been so crabby before! Even when I'm majorly PMSing I'm not normally this mean to the hubby. In fact, I don't think I was this hormonal when I took 100mg of Clomid, and I had some serious moodiness going on then!!

I truly do feel sorry for the way I've been treating him lately. Nothing he has done has really spurned these reactions of mine, but for some odd reason, I fly off the handle at just about any little thing. Like today, I was trying to get laundry done. Well, before, he'd take the initiative to go change the laundry or whatnot. Today, it seemed like he wouldn't do anything without me first going to start it. I'm the type of person that if I start a project, there's no point in trying to jump in and help because more than likely you'll mess up my routine or rhythm that I have going. (I'm a little bit of a perfectionist with a slight case of control freak. Add to that the fact that I've basically been living by myself for the past year, and yeah, it's not a good combination.)

Ugh...I hate being so crabby and moody all the time. I don't like making hubby feel bad either. *sigh* I need a big stress reliever right now. Maybe I'll go work out an extra day by myself this week. It always seems to make me feel better physically and mentally.

I think I just figured it all out though. I'm so frustrated with life in general. I'm sick of being sick and having my doctor tell me that all of my lab tests came back negative, so have a great day! I'm tired of always having to pick up the slack at work. I'm sick of dealing with stupid people day in and out. I hate this wacky weather! I'm tired of not getting enough good peaceful sleep at night. I'm tired of not getting answers or being pushed to the side!! Ugh...

I do need a day off.

We're moving (finally!!)

On Friday morning, hubby called me at work. He just had to share with me that we got orders to Colorado!! I was so excited!!! It's where we wanted to go, and I just love that area. Plus, it's halfway between our families, so it's not too incredibly far of a drive to go to either place for the holidays or whatnot. I have family that lives nearby too, so it'll be great to be able to see them again as well as let hubby meet them (he has yet to do that...). The only downer to this whole thing is that we have to be there by the end of April! Three months and we'll be in a new house in a new state with new neighbors and new scenery! It's all so exciting, but I know it'll be quite stressful too. If I keep hubby on track as far as getting things done, we should have a pretty easy transition. We'll see though. He likes to cut corners instead of doing everything as needed and as required. But all in all, WE'RE MOVING TO COLORADO!!

As far as TTC...I'm still waiting for AF to show. I'm ready to start another round of Clomid and get the ball rolling on that whole thing again. Even though we'll only be here for a few more months, I'd love to be able to get as much done as possible with a doctor and staff who already knows what's going on.

Hubby is driving me nuts lately. This morning, he made breakfast, but it made me sick. He kept asking me if I wanted other food or drinks (banana, orange juice, etc.). Yeah, the last thing I want to do when I'm sick is stuff more food down into my already crampy stomach and make things so much worse. Plus, he keeps bugging me to go out to eat. He always does this when he gets back home. I'm sure if he had his way, we'd be going out to eat every single night. Not quite my idea of spending time together though. Also, today, I was going to go outside and scrape the packed snow off the driveway. He decided to help, which I swear was more of a headache than anything else. Since I've basically had to deal with winter my entire life and also I've done more winters here than he has, I have a pretty good system down for getting the sidewalks and driveways nearly snow-free. He interrupted it today. Terribly so. Although, I'm such a perfectionist and I know it's not a good thing when he comes home. We just both need to adjust once again to having each other around. It will be a long hard process since we were apart for a majority of 2008.

*sigh*

He's coming home!!

So today, hubby will be home hopefully. It all depends on the weather, and right now, it sucks. I'm hoping that he won't push to get home today just because he wants to be home. I'd rather him come home tomorrow and make it safely than to drive in this crappy winter weather and end up in an accident. That wouldn't be good at all.

Also this morning I had a doctor's appointment and a follow-up with my nutritionist. The doctor wasn't all that impressed with my weight gain (about 1.5 pounds according to her scale). I thought it was great! Yeah, I'm still not anywhere near my weight for my height, but 1.5 pounds!! I'll take it! I also finally got my lab results. I did labs 3 weeks ago, and just now got the results, despite my calling last week to check on them. Everything came back negative for Celiac Sprue. The only tests she seemed a little concerned about were the Anti-nuclear Antibody (ANA). One came back positive and the other was negative. Basically the ANA tests for rheumatoid arthritis. So, she sent me for more lab work, a couple of X-Rays (I've been having some minor joint pain in my hands the past couple of weeks), and put in a referral to a rheumatologist. She told me it is going to be awhile before I can see them, but she'd rather be safe than sorry type kinda thing.

I also talked to her about getting an infertility referral as well. She's making me come in and do CD3 labs, then a CD21 progesterone check, even though I told her I don't have normal cycles nor do I even know really when I'm going to ovulate much less when my next AF visit will be. Whatever. I'll do the labs, even though I know they'll come back normal. They always do. I'm just happy to be able to see my OB/GYN for this stuff without having to sneak behind my insurance's back. (I've been pretty good about doing it! haha!!) So now with hubby coming home, we can get some serious BD'ing in!! hehe

I had an amazing day!

The title basically sums it up. My Saturday was absolutely amazing, in a strange sort of way. My wonderful dogs felt the need to wake me up at 7:30, so there wasn't much for sleeping in. That was fine though (I guess...). Around 9:00, I decided that I was going to try out one of the fitness classes at the gym. It started at 10, so I didn't have a whole lot of time to get ready for it, but I made it early actually! I guess there was a downer to the day though - I found out that an old classmate/friend of my sister's died on Friday. We're not really sure if it was a suicide or an accident. It's hard because he was so young (only 26) and his family just lost one of their other sons in August.

So back to the upsides of the day...

The fitness class I went to was so much fun! It's basically a total body toner workout which is exactly what I am trying to do. There were only 4 of us there today, but it was great just being able to do simple basic workout moves and know that in just a couple of months, I'll be able to see some big results! Plus, I got to meet a few new people which is always a good thing. I also learned that one of the ladies in the class is also going to be participating in another one on Tuesday evenings (hip-hop), so we'll actually somewhat know another person when we go. I'm really loving my whole new get-in-shape attitude. I actually enjoy going to the gym whereas before, I'd do it just because my hubby would drag me, or because I had nothing better to do for an hour or so. I know that it will be beneficial for me too when we do get pregnant.

With my hubby coming home in about 1 1/2 days, I decided to start cleaning the house this afternoon. Yeah, probably not the best procrastination I've ever done, but oh well. I'll work my tushy off tomorrow to get it finished and clean, and life will be great grand and wonderful! Hubby won't care too much about the house anyway...he'll be more concentrated on making up for all the time we've been apart the past year.

*Sigh*...I want Monday to be here already....

4 more days

So there is an end in sight to this taking a break from the baby-making! In 4 days, my wonderful hubby will be back home! I'm so excited, yet a little stressed. There's so much I need to try and get done before he gets home. The house is a mess and I still have the Christmas decorations sitting in the middle of the dining room! This weekend though, since I may be snowed in yet again, I'm going to get things taken care of. After all, he's coming home on Monday sometime and I want this place to be spic and span (or at least as close to it as I can get it!)

On to other topics...I have made myself go to the gym this week. I went on Tuesday and Wednesday and plan on returning tomorrow as well. My goal is to get my high school cheerleader body back. I was so in shape back then! I had a 6-pack and then some, and my legs and arms were so toned. Not that I've put on weight and look horrible now. I just want to be toned from head to toe once again. I'm going to try and make it to the gym at least 3 times a week. I'm going to check into some of the fitness classes they offer there and see if there's one that I can make it to. On Tuesdays, they have a hip-hop class, so maybe I'll go to that one. I'm a huge fan of dancing (I was a teaching assistant in Ballroom dance at college for 2 years), and I've always wanted to learn hip-hop dancing. So what better way to satisfy 3 cravings?

I'm on my way to being healthier! My nutritionist showed me a website to help me track my calories, SparkPeople, and I have been hooked. It's so easy to use, and although most of the people on there are trying to lose weight, they're really supportive of you, no matter what! When I joined a group on there, I told them I was there to gain weight and that they probably already hated me (most people are jealous of my size 1 body...). They were quick to refute that and said that everyone was welcomed there, no matter what they used the website for. Now, if only my 2800-3000 calorie a day diet would help me put some weight back on...

On Monday I go for a check-up with my doctor and my nutritionist. I already know they won't be too impressed with my progress as far as weight gain. From what I can tell, I haven't put on any weight in the past 5 weeks. In fact, I think I may have actually lost weight, despite my enormous calorie intake. I'm still waiting on some lab results to see if there is a medical reason as to why I have spells of nausea and loss of appetite as well as the weight loss. It's such a headache right now. I don't know what I can and can't eat. ugh...

So, a not-so-short update of the past couple of weeks and the future few days. I'm really trying to get better at blogging too... I guess that's another New Year's resolution I didn't make.